Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
