There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
