if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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