Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
