its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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