dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
