Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
