Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
