I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
