she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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