He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the day after is always just damage control
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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