The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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