where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
