I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
