she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
