my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
