Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
