dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
