i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
