Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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