you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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