Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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