I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
