im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
