He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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