who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
