I was born with a shot glass in my hand
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
