I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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