3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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