It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
