i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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