Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
