i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
