i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
