I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
