i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
