I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
