I wanna passion pit in your ass
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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