I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
