her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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