i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
