wanna go halves on a baby?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
