i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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