he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
