There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
