It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
