Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
