im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
