just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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