It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
